Moj Gospode, kako možeš da budeš tako nemilosrdno okrutan prema meni?

1.

```

Moj Gospode,

Kako možeš da budeš

tako nemilosrdno okrutan prema meni?

Zašto si

Tako zlonamerno orišao

Iz mog vidnog polja?

```

2.

```

Moj Gospode,

Kako možeš da budeš

tako nemilosrdno okrutan prema meni?

Zašto se toliko bojiš

Da me prihvatiš

Kao Tvog rođenog, najrođenijeg?

```

3.

```

Moj Gospode,

Kako možeš da budeš

tako nemilosrdno okrutan prema meni?

Zar ne možeš da vidiš

Da su najgušći oblaci

Sasvim prekrili

Nebo mog srca?

Zašto Tvoja Samilost spava,

Zašto? ```

4.

```

Moj Gospode,

Kako možeš da budeš

tako nemilosrdno okrutan prema meni?

Grmljavina razočaranja

Prolama se.

Moj jadni um potpuno bezuspešno

Traži sopstveni grob.

Zar ne možeš da pritekneš u pomoć

Mom beznadežno bespomoćnom umu? ```

5.

```

Moj Gospode,

Kako možeš da budeš

tako nemilosrdno okrutan prema meni?

Molio sam Te

Toliko dugo

Da mi dođeš

Tako da mogu da Te ustoličim

U svojim čeonim talasima.

```

6.

```

Moj Gospode,

Kako možeš da budeš

tako nemilosrdno okrutan prema meni?

Zašto mi ne daješ

Sposobnost da osetim

Da si Ti

Glavni smisao

Mojih zemno Nebeskih domova srca?

```

7.

```

Moj Gospode,

Kako možeš da budeš

tako nemilosrdno okrutan prema meni?

Tvoja potpuna ravnodušnost

Prema mom životu želje

Razorno me je probila.

```

8.

```

Moj Gospode,

Kako možeš da budeš

tako nemilosrdno okrutan prema meni?

Zašto ne otvoriš Svoje Oko

Čak ni na trenutak

Da vidiš vatru vapaja

Kako besano plamti

U mom srcu?

```

9.

```

Moj Gospode,

Kako možeš da budeš

tako nemilosrdno okrutan prema meni?

Koliko dugo želiš da ronim

Obilne suze,

Zbog Tvog namerno odloženog

Dolaska? ```

10.

```

Moj Gospode,

Kako možeš da budeš

tako nemilosrdno okrutan prema meni?

Spasi me!

Spasi me na bilo koji način

Koji želiš!

```

11.

```

Moj Gospode,

Kako možeš da budeš

Tako nemilosrdno okrutan prema meni?

CZar ne vidiš da je moj um konačno

Prestao da sumnja

U Tvoje postojanje?

Zar ne može očekivati od Tebe

Nebeski Osmeh?

Gospode moj,

Tvoja Tišina me muči

Daleko više nego što možeš da zamisliš. ```

12.

```

Moj Gospode,

Kako možeš da budeš

tako nemilosrdno okrutan prema meni?

Nemam nikoga koga bih nazvao svojim.

Nažalost, nikada nisam pomislio

Da će moje tužno iskustvo

Morati da uključi i Tebe! ```

13.

```

Moj Gospode,

Kako možeš da budeš

tako nemilosrdno okrutan prema meni?

Zašto Ti nepotrebno odugovlačiš

Da me oslobodiš čak i od jedne

Zamke iskušenja sveta?

```

14.

```

Moj Gospode,

Kako možeš da budeš

tako nemilosrdno okrutan prema meni?

Tvoja pristrasnost me potpuno ubija.

Spasao si i uzdigao

Mnoga stvorenja

Koja su nesumnjivo bila niža od mene.

Avaj, u mom slučaju,

Dao si Sebi

Strašno šokantno novo ime:

Ravnodušnost. ```

15.

```

Moj Gospode,

Kako možeš da budeš

tako nemilosrdno okrutan prema meni?

Jao, kako možeš biti jedan od onih

Koji mi govore

Da su me sve moje božanske osobine

Zauvek napustile? ```

16.

```

Moj Gospode,

Kako možeš da budeš

tako nemilosrdno okrutan prema meni?

I am crying

Because You have deliberately kept

Your listening Ears

Out of order. ```

17.

```

Moj Gospode,

Kako možeš da budeš

tako nemilosrdno okrutan prema meni?

Ako ti je zaista stalo do mene,

Zar se nećeš se potruditi

Da poniziš i osramotiš

Moj nemogući ponos

Zarad savršenog savršenstva

Mog života? ```

18.

```

Moj Gospode,

Kako možeš da budeš

tako nemilosrdno okrutan prema meni?

Za Tebe sam počistio svoj put

Spremno, voljno i željno.

Kako je moguće

Da Tvoje Oko preplavljeno Samilošću

Ne vidi

Šta sam učinio za Tebe? ```

19.

```

Moj Gospode,

Kako možeš da budeš

tako nemilosrdno okrutan prema meni?

Kada ćeš mi dati sposobnost

Da te prihvatim kao svog, svog sopstvenog

Ovde, tamo i svuda?

```

20.

```

Moj Gospode,

Kako možeš da budeš

tako nemilosrdno okrutan prema meni?

Kako je moguće

Da ne možeš

Da misliš na mene baš u ovom trenutku

Kada umirem za Tobom? ```

21.

```

Moj Gospode,

Kako možeš da budeš

tako nemilosrdno okrutan prema meni?

Zašto mi ne dopuštaš

Da budem besani rob

Tvojih Stopala?

```

22.

```

Moj Gospode,

Kako možeš da budeš

tako nemilosrdno okrutan prema meni?

Kada ćeš doći

Da ugasiš vatru

Moje razdvojenosti

Od Tvog Srca? ```

23.

```

Moj Gospode,

Kako možeš da budeš

tako nemilosrdno okrutan prema meni?

Zar ne možeš ni jednom da osetiš

Mučne bolove

Tvog odsustva

Koji mi izjedaju srce? ```

24.

```

Moj Gospode,

Kako možeš da budeš

tako nemilosrdno okrutan prema meni?

Potoci suza padaju

Iz mojih očiju posvećenosti

Da bih Ti udovoljio na Tvoj sopstveni Način.

Ali Tvoja nevoljnost da ih prihvatiš

Iskopava korenje

Mog drveta života. ```

25.

```

Moj Gospode,

Kako možeš da budeš

tako nemilosrdno okrutan prema meni?

Can You not see

The snake of our separation

Has bitten me powerfully

And shockingly,

And my life-breath is sinking

Without having a sweet glimpse

Of Your Compassion-Eye

And Your Satisfaction-Heart? ```

26.

```

My Lord,

How can you be

so heartlessly cruel to me?

When will You give me

A sleepless and unquenchable thirst

For You?

```

27.

```

My Lord,

How can you be

so heartlessly cruel to me?

You fool me by saying

That I am all Yours

And You are all mine.

I think and I feel

That this is the worst possible lie

That I have ever heard

From anybody!

```

28.

```

My Lord,

How can you be

so heartlessly cruel to me?

Why do You allow me

To dream of anything else?

Do You not know

That I want to dream

Only of You?

```

29.

```

My Lord,

How can you be

so heartlessly cruel to me?

When will Your Heart tell You

That I am always dying

To see You

And to be in Your Presence? ```

30.

```

My Lord,

How can you be

so heartlessly cruel to me?

I do not want to continue

With this human life.

Give me back my animal life.

I want to be Your faithful dog

To follow You

Everywhere You go. ```

31.

```

My Lord,

How can you be

so heartlessly cruel to me?

How many times have I told You

That my life is no life without You?

Yet I clearly see

That You do not care for me at all,

Either in my inner life

Or in my outer life.

Why, why?

```

32.

```

My Lord,

How can you be

so heartlessly cruel to me?

How many more times

Do I have to tell You

To capture my heart

So that my heart

Becomes all sweetness

And all fondness for You? ```

33.

```

My Lord,

How can you be

so heartlessly cruel to me?

If You really love me,

Will You not transform

Everything in my life

To fulfil You? ```

34.

```

My Lord,

How can you be

so heartlessly cruel to me?

Why do You not come

And eat with me at my table

When I beg You again and again?

Am I an untouchable creature?

I thought You were my Creator.

It seems that I have to change

My opinion.

```

35.

```

My Lord,

How can you be

so heartlessly cruel to me?

How I wish You to miss me breathlessly

Only once

The way I miss You.

Then You will realise

What my heart and I go through

In Your absence. ```

36.

```

My Lord,

How can you be

so heartlessly cruel to me?

I ask You to increase my aspiration

And decrease my desire.

I cannot understand why

My desire has to increase

And

My aspiration has to decrease!

How can You not feel the sincerity

Of my intensity-prayer? ```

37.

```

My Lord,

How can you be

so heartlessly cruel to me?

I pray to You for Your Closeness.

You give me success after success

So that my success-life can prevent me

From being close to You.

I assure You that one day

You will have to surrender

To my eagerness

To be in Your extreme Closeness. ```

38.

```

My Lord,

How can you be

so heartlessly cruel to me?

Are You really afraid

Of my growing attachment

To You?

Do tell me frankly. ```

39.

```

My Lord,

How can you be

so heartlessly cruel to me?

Please be kind to me once and for all

And tell me when I can be

A glowing detachment

From my desire-bound earth-life. ```

40.

```

My Lord,

How can you be

so heartlessly cruel to me?

I try to give You my fear.

You do not accept it.

I try to give You my love.

You do not accept it.

Then tell me what I can give You

To make You happy in Your own Way. ```

41.

```

My Lord,

How can you be

so heartlessly cruel to me?

For centuries I have looked for You.

Now may I not be allowed

At least for a few years

To look after You? ```

42.

```

My Lord,

How can you be

so heartlessly cruel to me?

How can I believe

That I was made only of Your Joy

When I do not see You happy

At any time? ```

43.

```

My Lord,

How can you be

so heartlessly cruel to me?

Have You forgotten

That You made a solemn Promise

That when I fail,

You would immediately sail

To my rescue?

```

44.

```

My Lord,

How can you be

so heartlessly cruel to me?

When will I be able to breathe in

Your Compassion-Smile?

And when will I be able to breathe out

My surrender-joy? ```

45.

```

My Lord,

How can you be

so heartlessly cruel to me?

Why have You given me

Such feeble devotion

That can never reach

Your Feet? ```

46.

```

My Lord,

How can you be

so heartlessly cruel to me?

You have never asked me

To sing for You

A rainbow-song

Of my self-giving. ```

47.

```

My Lord,

How can you be

so heartlessly cruel to me?

Can You not allow my soul-flames

To illumine my entire being

Even one single time?

```

48.

```

My Lord,

How can you be

so heartlessly cruel to me?

How can it be possible

That right in front of You

My aspiration-heart has not become

An ever-rising life-tree-climber? ```

49.

```

My Lord,

How can you be

so heartlessly cruel to me?

Can You not give me

A special kind of morning meditation

To multiply my heart's

Aspiration-flames rapidly? ```

50.

```

My Lord,

How can you be

so heartlessly cruel to me?

Can You not see

My heart's streaming tears

Running again and again

To my life's progress-start?

Can You not be of any help to me?

```

51.

```

My Lord,

How can you be

so heartlessly cruel to me?

When are You going

To pass by this way? ```

52.

```

My Lord,

How can you be

so heartlessly cruel to me?

Do You not think

That Your Promises are all hollow?

You have promised to me

So many times

That You will steal into my heart

And rob me of everything

That I have and I am.

```

53.

```

My Lord,

How can you be

so heartlessly cruel to me?

How long are You going to remain

Unmoved and unperturbed

By my orphan-tears?

```

54.

```

My Lord,

How can you be

so heartlessly cruel to me?

Will there be a day in my life,

Early in the morning

During my prayers and meditations,

When we shall consume each other

With our mutual love and affection?

```

55.

```

My Lord,

How can you be

so heartlessly cruel to me?

Was Your Promise not sincere

When You told me

That You would come back

And take me with You

To visit Your transcendental Heights?

```

56.

```

My Lord,

How can you be

so heartlessly cruel to me?

Is it such a difficult task

For You to break my ego

Before it breaks me?

```

57.

```

My Lord,

How can you be

so heartlessly cruel to me?

Can You not see

That my outer life

Is totally shattered

And my inner life

Is completely devoid of hope?

```

58.

```

My Lord,

How can you be

so heartlessly cruel to me?

Please tell me

Why You have stopped answering

My heart-letters,

Why? ```

59.

```

My Lord,

How can you be

so heartlessly cruel to me?

My Lord, do You not know

That when You do not smile at me,

I immediately lose

The compass and the anchor

Of my life-boat?

```

60.

```

My Lord,

How can you be

so heartlessly cruel to me?

I want to realise You

As soon as possible,

But if You continuously

Break my heart,

Then I assure You

Your Heart will be next! ```

61.

```

My Lord,

How can you be

so heartlessly cruel to me?

I strongly feel

That Your very Touch

Can easily transform

My mind-woods

Into

My heart-blossoms. ```

62.

```

My Lord,

How can you be

so heartlessly cruel to me?

Why do You not tell me

The secret way to Your Heart,

Why?

```

63.

```

My Lord,

How can you be

so heartlessly cruel to me?

Do I have to tell You

Again and again

That You heal my heart

With Your fleeting Smile? ```

64.

```

My Lord,

How can you be

so heartlessly cruel to me?

Do You not realise

That in Your absence

I drown in my heart's

Loneliness-tears? ```

65.

```

My Lord,

How can you be

so heartlessly cruel to me?

Do You not realise

That each act

Of Your loving Concern

Deepens my heart's love

For You?

```

66.

```

My Lord,

How can you be

so heartlessly cruel to me?

My heart is simply devastated.

For me, my oneness with You

Means here and now,

At this very moment,

And not in the remote future.

```

67.

```

My Lord,

How can you be

so heartlessly cruel to me?

Unspeakable selfishness

Is killing my entire being,

Yet You are completely silent.

```

68.

```

My Lord,

How can you be

so heartlessly cruel to me?

My Lord, is it not high time

For You to destroy

My unwillingness-tyrant-mind?

```

69.

```

My Lord,

How can you be

so heartlessly cruel to me?

I have only one prayer,

And that prayer

Is for You to make me worthy

Of Your scoldings.

But even that one prayer

You never sanction! ```

70.

```

My Lord,

How can you be

so heartlessly cruel to me?

Why do You not give me any chance

To smile at You,

To make my heart

Infinitely sweeter

And my life

Infinitely richer? ```

From:Sri Chinmoy,Moj Gospode, kako možeš da budeš tako nemilosrdno okrutan prema meni?, Agni Press, New York, 1999
Izvorno sa https://rs.srichinmoylibrary.com/lhc